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You're now in a cult! And yes, GizzBob is trying to brainwash you. In fact, you've already been brainwashed. But you're happy about it aren't you? Goooood.
However, you will no doubt have questions. You will want to do your best as a Bob, and you'd like to know all there is to Bobdom. Yes? See my Bob brother - we are already united in thoughts. Here are some of the common questions that have been posed to me, GizzBob, surrounding the Cult of Bob.
- Why did the cult of Bob start?
I've answered that in the very first entry to the Bob achievements page.
Isn't there another cult of Bob?
There are a few around the web. Many Bobs have told me that they have their own cult of Bob, and that they are mighty 'cause they got there first. Well - I don't see you being listed in German magazines and Texan radio station websites. Nyah!
What about the Cult of the Subgenius? That's really famous!
Erm. Well - I hadn't heard of it before I started my quest to become Bob, and fair do's - they're really big and famous. they need to get a designer in though, looking at their webpage hurts my brain. The cult of Bob however does not endorse them, just because they're so annoyingly famous, and they go on about UFOs and stuff. They WANT you to think. This is wrong.
So why is the Cult of the Subgenius' leader - Bob Doyle being used in your banners?
GizzBob didn't make those banners... and after the generous amount of work that MojoBob had put into making the banners, it is only right that they should be used.
I'm a lawyer, hired by the cult of the subgenius. Can I sue you for using Bob Doyle's image for some Cult of Bob banners?
Maybe. But that would be really mean and an unnecessary use of lawyers. Just email GizzBob instead please, and we can have a little chat about it.
I don't want to be a Bob anymore. Can I leave the cult?
'Fraid not; You're here forever. And we have RebBob to hunt you down and damage you if you decide to leave us. Please see the first page of the original hall of Bobs for RebBob's description. She is very tall and scary.
Why are the dates on the Achievements page all messed up?
On a boring weekend in June, 2000, I completely changed the site to add this faq, and make the joining and achievements page automatic, by making guestbooks for them... so the dates make the cult look like it's only been going since June 2000, which my little monkeys, is not correct. We are a well established cult with much power. Fear us.
How long has the Cult of Bob been going? And how many members are there?
The cult was started on the 30th August, 1998. I am guessing, but I would say that there are about 3-4 thousand members... far too many users for me to manually update every day. It's all gone strangely successful.... dunno why. You'll have to take my word for that though, as most of the interesting members joining forms are in my inbox, and all of the uninteresting joining forms are deleted, as the words "we are all Bob" in your email three or four times a day gets a little humdrum. Also, no new Bobs were able to sign up between August '01 - March '02, and you couldn't post any Bob achievements between August '01 - January '03. Bravenet went and changed all of their links and I, being Bob, was too lazy to track down my multiple Bravenet logins and passwords and fix things. My slothlike powers are strong!
Why haven't I appeared in the hall of Bob? I joined years ago!
Please see the new hall of Bob front page. Gizzbob is really lazy, and you've been ignored for years. Website hosting is soooo stressful.
What are all these fortunecity.co.uk links doing everywhere? And why are they on your banners?
At the time of creation, this cult was hosted by Fortunecity.com. Soon I rose up through the ranks, becoming community volunteer, then technical support, technical support manager, and finally the content producer of Fortunecity.co.uk. It was then my job to get cool sites into FC, so I made links wherever I could. At the pinnacle of my mighty power, the dotcom bubble burst and the english office was unceremoniously given the boot, despite creating Fortunecity.com in the first place and being the only people who had a clue. FC now sucks, has dodgy servers and no support, and I dislike them a lot. The Cult of Bob is now hosted by Supanames, who have been very good so far.
I have crabs. How can I get rid of them?
Go and see your local chemist.
I'm American and i think you Brits are like, so crazy!
Yes we are, aren't we? Zany, infact. Would you like to buy a t-shirt?
I emailed you and you ignored me! I made a weareallbob@hotmail.com email address for you! I made a Bob newsletter, and offered to help you in your cause for world domination! Why don't you care?
Anyone going to that extent of acting on my website is scary. I don't want to talk to you. Please stop emailing me! And you American teenage girls.... at first having a fanclub was really cool, it made me feel pretty successful, but when you started signing my guestbook talking about f**king me in the shower, and emailing me really long essays all the time, you got really scary. Please stop. I feel that your insanity and our age gap wouldn't lead to a healthy relationship.
Are you really called Bob, GizzBob?
No. I'm called Merv. But Merv is a stupid Welsh name and I prefer Bob.
I hate you, and I've sent you a nasty email and swore in your guestbook, bitch! Did you cry?
Good! I thoroughly enjoy hate mail - the joke is continually on you because the only people I piss off are people who have no sense of humour. It is a fact that if you don't like this site, you are a dull person and you will die alone. I will probably reply to you if you're brave enough to leave your email address, to engage in some comedy banter. I especially enjoy your hate mail if it's full of mistakes, and was obviously written by an illiterate teenager. How I laugh at you! Ha Ha! You fools!
But Bob, your entire site is full of dodgy spelling and appalling grammar. Why is this?
I wrote most of this site when I was a student. I did a computing degree - I forgot the importance of spelling for a while. I was probably drunk, or very tired. Sorry. I know I used to have a problem with putting ' in the wrong places, and I have issues with a lack of capital letters. One day when I've nothing to do at all I'll run the site through a spell checker. One day.
What should I do if people tell me to stop chanting "we are all Bob"?
Bludgeon them with a heavy object. Make them pay. Be rid of the Bob haters!
My family don't agree with Bobdom. How can I convince them otherwise?
Strangle them in their sleep and burn the house down. They will never listen, and they don't really like you. Bob is your only friend now. Make them die!
My teacher put me in detention for chanting "bob bob bob bob bob" in class. What should I do?
Cut out your teacher's tongue, and put it on a spike outside of the school gates as a warning to others. No-one must try to silence the spreading of the word!
You've suddenly gone really violent. I thought this was a peaceful and harmonious utopia?
In all honesty, I make up the rules as I go along. The BobGod is fickle, always drunk, and hasn't been seen in years. I have the power really. I'm the daddy now!
Why should I worship the BodGod if she isn't around? Does she even care about this cult?
I am guessing that she's probably completely forgotten about this website, and that you will never meet or communicate with her. Ironically, her complete lack of care or memory about the cult she has spawned exhibits the ultimate Bob behaviour of apathy and lack of braincell use. Lo, she is a shining example to us all.
I'm in trouble with the police for being violent, after following your advice. What should I do?
Plead insanity. Anyone following any advice on this website is obviously quite mental. I take no responsibility for anything, because I am Bob, and Bob cannot be responsible for anything!
Are all of these questions really asked frequently?
Nah....not really. I made most of 'em up purely to entertain myself.
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