Welcome fellow humans and thankyou, thankyou for taking the first step in developing an understanding of these foul creatures that are trying to destroy us and our civilisation as we know it! Throughout these following pages I shall be intoruducing you to the various types of cows that live with us, both seen and unseen, conducting all kinds of devious plots to destroy us all and inhabit the world as their own. I must warn you that there are surveillance cows watching you right now as you read this, you are no longer safe, and you might be wanting to run to the hills and move your family into police protection. But enough of the babble, onto our first example, the 'normal' cow we all know and love.
The 'normal' cow Normal? Ha! I think not. Take a look under her cool calm exterior and look into the face of evil! You see, it's all a ploy. You've seen the far side cards where the cows ring human's doorbells, and act completely dfferently when cars are about? That's because they're intelligent. SUPER intelligent infact. The normal cows however are the least intelligent of them all, they are merely pawns in the overall plan. They're here to trick us, fool us into thinking they're a harmless source of tasty food, and kind to humans, providing us with milk, cheese and other such scrummy dairy products. Don't you see? That's the beaty of their plan! They make cheese, the tastiest food on all of earth - what would happen if they started to blackmail us and threaten to take away the cheese? Govermennts would fall, monarchies would collapse, society as we know it would cease to exist. It will happen, believe me. "Pah!" You must be thinking, "why these are just the words of a madman!". Fools. I was once of your mind, i liked cows, then one day whilst feeding the heard I evesdropped on a conversation they were having in the barn. Yes, it's true, they speak fluent english, they're just playing dumb. Amazed, I listned in on the conversation; they were plotting against a certain cow (who, for safety reasons I must change her name to "Daisy") seemed unhappy with their plot. It seemed daisy had become fond of us humans and didn't want to mercilessly annhailate us and take over the world as did the other cows. Seeking to help, I told Daisy i was aware of everything - she then agreed for me to take her away into protective custody in return for her to spill the beans on her bovine friend's plan. What she told me was more horrific than I could have possibly imagined, and what I shall share with you today, friends. The insight she gave me into an everyday cow was incredible: you think that all they think about is food? Wrong, oh, sooo wrong. THIS is what they are actually spending their time pondering:  That's all that are on these 'normal' cow's minds: death, blood and destruction. They're an awesomely builT human killing machine, hellbent on taking over the earth by controlling our minds with cheese and giving us all terrible diseases with their madness. Convinced yet? No, probably not..... but fear not, i've barely started...... |
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